Devlog 0: Model of the New Star

Hello! It’s been a minute!

The last time I posted–three months ago, back in September–I put development of my point-and-click adventure on hold to learn how to draw. Not much has happened since then – but then, I suppose, a lot happened too.

And just aside to everything else: at the time of writing this, it’s Christmas next week. I’m writing on the sofa, listening to christmas lofi music🎄cozy radio to get festive to, and I feel a sense of comfort that I’ve been missing for such a long time! I can smell the slow-cooking stew I got up early this morning to prepare for a night in with the love of my life. It feels really good to be here, now. ❤️

And did you know the Lofi Girl has an avatar generator? I do now!

It was worth a shot

There’s a parallel world out there, somewhere, where I love drawing for drawing’s sake. Maybe I’ll get there in this world one day. But here, now: no.

I was learning as a means to an end, and forcing myself through the fundamentals and practice so I could crack on with the game.

It was a chore. It was blocking me from doing the thing that I actually wanted to do. I came to resent it. I craved validation on social media because I wasn’t getting the energy to continue from anywhere else, but I wasn’t improving enough to earn any validation, let alone quickly enough to top-up my dwindling motivation.

I hated it. I hated pushing myself to do the thing I hated. I hated myself. I quit.

Seeking comfort

In times of stress, we retreat to comforting spaces. For me, that’s game jams.

I’ve admitted it before and I’ll admit it again: I kinda suck at game jams! I don’t know the actual numbers, but I’ve probably finished and submitted far fewer than five percent of the jams I started. But I love the structure, the energy, the permission to go wild and try something new, and the permission to block out the world for a bit.

I didn’t find any jams that excited me, but I did happen to spot a jam starting on January 1st and running for a year. On second look, there’s quite a few. Now that sounded pretty cool!

So I browsed through them all for anything I felt like I could commit a year of my life to. In my heart, I secretly hoped to find one I could build a pixel-art platformer for. That’s just where my heart was, I suppose. Maybe a Metroidvania? That’d be interesting to design, for sure! And a story I could go really deep into, to soothe the itch that the point-and-click game was supposed to? Yeah, that sounded nice! I felt pretty confident I had all the skills I needed for a jam like that, so I could crack on at a steady pace without needing to break and learn something outside of my comfort zone.

Now, sadly, I didn’t find any jams that called for that kind of thing.

But… like… did it really need to be a jam? I was looking for that external structure to keep me comfortable, but… why not just do it anyway?

Could I do it?

I truly don’t know whether what I felt is daft, relatable or obvious.

I still felt quite angry at myself for quitting the art lessons. I hadn’t spent much, but certainly I’d paid for courses I wasn’t going to finish. I’d support anyone quitting something that makes them unhappy, but not just because it’s hard. I wasn’t sure if I was doing right by myself.

And I was disappointed in myself for even thinking about dropping the point-and-click idea. Storytelling is absolutely the reason I want to make games. I don’t care about action for action’s sake.

Sure, I do enjoy physics-based puzzles, and The Talos Principle is probably my favourite game of all time, but it’s the story–that damned beautiful story–that elevates it above the rest. Thank you and rest in peace, Alexandra Drennan.

And I love exploring 2D worlds! Honestly, thinking about this right now, I’m so tempted to pack up my laptop and work on my Hollow Knight progress. I’m slow, but I’m revelling in it!

But abandoning the point-and-click adventure feels like a cop-out. Would I be happier pushing through the frustration of learning something new, or better to walk a path I’ve explored before?

Time to think

Even if I knew for sure what I wanted to do, I didn’t have time to act on it. By the time this was running through my head, I was committed to a cross-stitch project for my office’s Secret Santa, and I was working all hours to finish it on time.

It’s obvious with hindsight, but I swear: it didn’t strike me that I was making pixel art until long after I started! I just thought it was a neat idea, and it made me so happy to work on it.

And since large swathes of it didn’t need much concentration, I had time to think. I listened to a lot of Atomic Shrimp’s walking and gardening videos and fantasised about what this Metroidvania would feel like if I made it. I developed a sense of the story over a few weeks. Settings, locations and showpieces came in bursts. The mechanics… well, I knew they’d need some prototyping. I don’t want to make a game about killing, but it feels unavoidable. Could I make it justifiable? I felt bad even considering the question. But I reckon I could get out of my own way enough to make something fun and meaningful.

So, over the course of a few weeks, I let the idea swish around my brain. And incidentally, my Secret Santa loved the gift – and every second I worked on it was worth it! I’m so grateful that he liked it. I had to laugh when the guy with the Mew tattoo wrapped around his arm asked me how I knew who his favourite Pokémon is! The whole experience was what I wish Christmas could be forever.

Today

You know what? I’m going to do it.

I’m not abandoning the point-and-click adventure. It’s just going back onto the to-do list until I’m better prepared. Back when I started it, I knew I was setting myself up for learning a lot of new skills. And I was up for the challenge, for sure! But it wasn’t a smart idea. I wasn’t prepared for the self-doubt and frustration, and it burned me out.

This new project fixes the old one’s fatal flaw. I don’t have to learn a ton of new stuff, because I’ll be building up my existing skills instead.

I’m pretty comfortable with Monogame, and I’m excited to take it to the next level. I love making pixel art, and I’m hyped to improve through practice. And while I planned to use Ink as the previous game’s story engine, I’m going to roll my own for this one. It sounds like fun!

The state of play, today

This bit’s going to be rather stream-of-consciousness, so bear with me.

Right now, the only parts of this game that exist are:

• A scramble of ideas in my head
• 18 bullet points in a notebook
• A working title: Model of the New Star

…and now, for folks who don’t like RSS, an email newsletter to share updates!

…and now I’ve got a GitHub repository to keep it all in!

…and now I’ve got an itch.io page to share prototypes and builds!

Building in public

Okay, that’s the live blogging done.

I’m calling this my “big project for 2026”, but I’m not going to wait until January to start. And I’m not going to try to finish in 2026, either. I’ll be working on this for a few years, for sure!

And I’ll be sharing builds early and often on itch.io to get feedback and catch bugs. And I think it’ll be fun!

And now, I think I’ll wrap this up, stretch my legs, and crack on. Thank you for sticking around! ❤️